Numbers Do Not Lie

Three months since my last post?!  I am so sorry to both of you who have been reading this for making you wait so long for updates.  The agony you must have endured is immeasurable and I am so so sorry.

Well, in the three months since professing my love for the world's subway systems I got a new job--which, since it earns me money, I will definitely not be talking about here except to say it involves teaching the general public how to stop cooking like total jerks and introduce a bit of classical technique and finesse into their rut-based home cooking.  Also, Spring decided to finally mosey on in and make the trails usable again. So, for the past six weeks I've been making myself hit up a local foothill trail once a week to at least get into a semblance of thru hiking shape. 

Before I go any further, how about a big round of applause for the Jeffco (Jefferson County) Park system. Really...it is unreal how many foothill parks they have with all types of interesting, well-maintained trails with great views:  easy trails, hard trails, pretty trails, deserty trails, mountainous trails, prairie trails...whatever you want they got.  And they are all dog-friendly trails which is nice because I like to take Milo along sometimes.

Jeffco requires that dogs be leashed at all times but I usually let him loose because he doesn't walk well while tethered.  I carry poop bags and I'm usually not the only one off-leashing on the trail so I don't feel too bad about it.  We've only been busted once and we were just given a wag of the ranger's finger, so we will continue to break the rules.  Milo's issue (one of them) is that he still acts like a pup and doesn't pace himself so he jumps in every creek and water hole there is and sometimes steps on cactus needles when exploring.  By the time we get home he is limping and passed out.

Anyway, the Jeffco Park system rocks, and if you happen to live in the area, check their website out.  It's good stuff and will bring you plenty of both joy and pain.

Today Milo and I took on 7.4 miles of Deer Creek Canyon Park and I also just happened to pass the 100 mile training mark.  Since October 5, 2014, Lola and I have been keeping track of the miles we hike, the weight we carry in our packs and the time it takes to do the hiking and carrying. The time isn't really that important I guess, but it does tell me what my average pace is.  That was helpful information when I was trying to determine my itinerary and how many miles I could reasonably hope to cover each day on the Colorado Trail.

Also, I have decided to start the trail on July 8 and end no later than August 17.  I told my new employer about this two weeks ago and he did not fire me.  I got lucky.

This time frame gives me 35 hiking days and 4 zero days (aka "no hiking" days where I can hang out in a mountain town to recover from the miles, eat restaurant food, do laundry, poop in a proper toilet like a normal human and take a shower to temporarily reduce my stink factor from 11 to my regular 2.3).

Now in order to give this post a higher word count, impart a fake level of professionalism and give the two of you the impression that you are not completely wasting your valuable time, I will give a brief recap of training hikes made so far.  To make it appear even more impressive, I will present it in a table.  

Here is the proper way to interpret this graph:  "The Hobby Hound carried 271 pounds over 104 miles for 44 and a half hours.  What an awesome human specimen!"

Because the numbers do not lie.  The numbers never lie.

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In the best new gear category I nominate Body Glide.

If only everything existed at such a jaunty angle.

No, it's not really byyyyyyyyyyyyyy Mennen; I just like that old jingle.

Body Glide is great for people whose upper, inner legs and butt cheeks like to scrape together in terribly uninteresting and rashy ways to foment an environment where your body says to you after a few sweaty miles:  "Hey.  You.  Yeah you...the middle aged walking guy.  I specifically recall  instructing you on multiple occasions that you should not be doing this shit.  You should be sitting in front of the computer or the TV or sitting on a sailboat or something else that doesn't involve involve this much movement, but you don't listen so I'm gonna start giving you some chafe in a couple of places, alright?  Ha ha, I ask like it's a question and I need your approval but no, I don't and I'm going to mess you up pretty soon if you don't stop walking.  Muscle through it if you want to.  I don't care.  Doesn't bother me at all.  It's your pain.  You wanna walk around for the next day or two like you just got cornholed by a prickly pear...be my guest.  Like I said:  I don't care."

Right, so Body Glide shuts your body up and lets you get on with things longer than you should, which is great.  It's like getting away with something.  Since I starting using it this year my hikes have been so much more comfortable. I'll start the trail with a fresh stick of Body Glide in my pack and have another waiting for me in a resupply box at the halfway point along the trail. This is one of the benefits of shakedown hikes:  you figure stuff out. 

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Almost forgot:  Milo and I met another thru hiker today in Deer Creek Canyon.  She passed me going the other way as I was ten minutes into the first uphill.  I  noticed her pack.  It looked kind of like Kermit II:  The Reckoning, except it had a camouflage pattern.  I said hi as she passed, and then the yellow roll-top side buckle caught my eye--something only ULAs have--so I did a double take.  Then I noticed the ULA logo on the back of her pack and probably startled her a little when I said, "Hey, you've got a ULA, too!"  

She turned toward me and said, "Oh, yeah."

"Is that a Circuit?" I asked.  Kermit II:  The Reckoning, you may recall, is a Circuit model.

"No," she said.  "It's a Catalyst.  No.  Wait.  No, yeah it's a Circuit."

"Neat," I said.  That's what I've got."

"Oh, cool," she said.  "You've got the classic green one."

"Yep.  Are you going on a long hike this year," I asked.  Nobody has a ULA pack unless they are going on a long hike.

"Yeah, I'm hiking the Colorado Trail this summer," she said.

"No kidding.  Me too.  When are you leaving?"

"June 20th," she said.

"I'm leaving July 8th.  Should be an interesting trip."

"Definitely."

"Alright then," I said.  "Enjoy your hike."

"You too," she said.

She aimed back downhill, I aimed back uphill and both of us continued on.  Milo found his first creek of the day and jumped in.  I swear, that dog was a duck in a previous life.